Christmas in the house and life of autism

Each year as I grow older, I find myself being less and less prepared for the BIG day when it arrives. Each year I wait longer to gather up the Christmas gifts, the kids get less gifts, less Christmas lights get put up, less baking gets done and the list goes on. All this is SOOO unacceptable to Tommy, yet he always ends the day saying, “Best Christmas Ever”!!! As I look back over the years at all that I used to do for them to make their Christmases magical, I am also reminded by Tommy’s activities this year, of all the things he has learned and the celebration monster I have actually created. I am also reminded about the value of family traditions and how we as parents need to understand the importance of them in the role of teaching our children. As much as we indulge in the secular side of Christmas, we must keep the focus on the real reason we celebrate this season. Without Jesus there is no holiday worth celebrating, because without Jesus there is no hope!

Jack(33) and Tommy(31) are grown men now. Both are very different with their own set of strengths and weaknesses. Jack, of course being higher functioning in his comprehension and language than Tommy. Nonetheless, our Christmas morning this year was exciting and interesting because of them. Our biggest family Christmas morning tradition has been that before we open any presents, we gather around the tree and Dad reads the Christmas story from Luke 2. As Jack has gotten older, Dad is starting to pass the torch to Jack a little and this year he read while dad added a couple of prayers. Before we got started, Tommy and I were waiting in the chairs for the other two and I began to wonder how much of this tradition did Tommy understand? So I began to quiz Tommy. Tommy, whose birthday are we celebrating today? ” Jesus”, he said. To which Jack interjects, “Well today really isn’t his birthday, but ok, it’s when we celebrate it.” Me: Good, Tommy, where is Jesus? Tommy: “With God”. Me: Yes, but where is God and Jesus? Tommy: “At Church!” Me: Yes, that is true, but where else do they live? Tommy doesn’t understand the question, so Jack says, “Are they up, down or to the left or right? Tommy: “Up”! Then Jack asks, “Where was Jesus born, Tommy?” “Bethlehem”, says Tommy. Me: Who is Jesus’s mother? Tommy: “Mary”. Me: Who is his father? Tommy: “Joseph” Then Jack: Well, Joseph is technically his earthly father, but God is His Heavenly Father. Then John (Dad) says, “Jack, you are killing us son!” While I am trying to explain to him that due to Tommy’s struggle with comprehension, we are ecstatic that he can answer all these questions on the simple side of an abstract subject! His ability to comprehend the Gospel at Jack’s level isn’t there, so we rejoice in the fact that he has learned and understands this much!

Unless you have lived or been around a life with autism, you probably don’t understand why we get excited over the simple things. It is because those simple things do not come easy and sometimes not that often. You don’t understand when we get crazy excited over a simple achievement that should have happened at the age of 4 or 5, not 30. But when you have consistently taught something for that many years but to no avail, it’s a major accomplishment!! So this Christmas morning, I was reminded why we must not give up on teaching and setting examples. Whether there are disabilities or not, we need to keep driving the message home, living a life of example and pray without ceasing. Our children can and will learn whether you think they are listening or not, whether they are totally engaged or not. Keep showing them how to worship, serve and live according to God’s word.

I would also like to say, that we do not do this alone. In today’s world, education comes from several avenues for our children. Schools, home, church and many other supplemental avenues. I believe that it is the parent’s responsibility to educate their children as best they can and that we have to decide which of these avenues they will use to educate their child. For us, not attending school was not an option, not attending church was not an option. Tommy being able to answer those questions were not just from our teaching and example but because of great Sunday school teachers, pastors and church programs over the years. Each one planting seeds in different ways until he finally grasped it! So I want to encourage all parents today, don’t grow weary in doing and teaching what’s right! Rejoice in the achievements no matter how big or small! God will use them to teach you as well as you teach them, if you will just embrace the task he has set before you! Love you all and Merry Christmas!!